


someone that dug so long ago

by mehnema (swedish_furniture)



Series: They're In The Water [6]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Cannibalism, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Victim Blaming, but like. THE smallest amount, thats not an endorsement huh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-09
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-16 11:00:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29948973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swedish_furniture/pseuds/mehnema
Summary: Sometimes, Dean remembers this is a monster wearing his friend's face, and thinks about how he's supposed to hate this thing.Sometimes, Dean does his best to forget.
Relationships: Leviathans/Dean Winchester
Series: They're In The Water [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/71898
Kudos: 1





	someone that dug so long ago

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING- leviathan coerces dean into an intimate relationship with it based on the fact that dean feels guilty and blames himself for the terrible things the leviathan has done, and the fact that it looks like castiel. there is mention of the leviathan making dean eat blood from one of its victims. this may not be your cup of tea- please read responsibly 
> 
> this fic was written in 2010 when i was apparently even more unhinged than i am now. title from Like Real People Do by Hozier

Sometimes Dean wonders why he stays.

The Leviathan’s  _ nothing _ like Cas,  _ nothing _ , but it  _ looks _ like him, and that’s enough for Dean to stay, some days.

Some days it’s harder. Some days he remembers that this is a monster wearing his (maybe more than a) friend’s face, and he remembers that he’s supposed to hate this  _ thing _ , and he thinks that it would be so easy,  _ so fucking easy _ , to just kill it and run.

And then he looks down at his arms and sees the scars and remembers the  _ last _ time he tried that, and now, didn’t  _ that _ just turn out too damn well?

(The point is, of course, that it  _ didn’t _ turn out well, he’d gotten people, good people, killed, trying that, and it was his fault, all his fault,  _ his damn fault. _ )

The Leviathan doesn’t seem to mind him all that much anymore. 

He remembers when it’d first come to him, and it just  _ hated _ him so much, and all it wanted to do was kill him. It hadn’t, at the time, and had left after some banter and threats, and Dean hadn’t told Sammy that a Leviathan had come a ‘calling.

It was the same thing the next time and the time after that and the time after  _ that _ , again and again and again, and finally Dean’s tired of seeing the Leviathan’s ( _ Castiel’s _ ) face and he asks-

“Why don’t you just go ahead and kill me, already?”

The Leviathan looks almost as surprised as him when it says-

“I don’t think I  _ can _ .”

Dean takes that as a reassurance that Cas is still  _ in _ there, still fighting, and that someday, he’ll come back and Dean can finally say those three little words and everything will stop spinning and his world will be right-side-up again.

(He was wrong. So so  _ so _ wrong. Cas is gone, and not coming back, and all that’s left is a Leviathan in his body.)

So finally, Dean is the one to go to the Leviathan and he says-

“Y’know, if you’re just going to follow me around, I might as well save you the trouble and come with you.”

(Because at this point, he still thinks there’s something worth saving, he thinks that Castiel is still in there.)

It’s the first time he sees the Leviathan smile, and for a moment he can pretend it’s Castiel, because that’s  _ Cas’ _ smile, even if it’s not Cas smiling it, and he can just  _ pretend. _

The pretending lasts right up until he sees the Leviathan murder someone.

It’s no one Dean knows, just some poor kid, probably a runaway, in the wrong place at the wrong time, and he made the mistake of pissing the monster off, so it’d shoved a hand through the kid’s chest and _ eaten _ him.

It licks Castiel’s lips once it’s done, and Dean just sits there, huddled in on himself, shivering, because  _ this thing is not Cas. _ Cas would  _ never _ do something like that, no matter  _ how _ messed up he’d been.

And then the  _ thing _ looks over at him, with that  _ smile _ , the one Cas used to use, and holds out it’s hand- the one that had just been in that kid’s chest cavity- and says-

“Oh, how rude of me, not sharing.”

Dean’s mind blanks for a second, because this thing is  _ not _ suggesting what he  _ thinks _ it’s suggesting, but he hesitates a moment too long and the Leviathan’s not smiling anymore, and it goes-

“Here.  _ Have some. _ ”

And pretty much shoves it’s hand into his mouth, until all he can taste is blood, blood,  _ blood _ , and he can’t tell if it’s his or the kid’s.

(That’s the first thing the Leviathan has him do, but not the last.)

They’re sitting in a house- it’s not his, and probably not the Leviathan’s, but the owners haven’t come ‘round to complain yet, and Dean’s actually terrified by what the  _ thing _ may do to them.

Dean’s sitting there, thinking, about Sammy, about Cas, about Heaven and Hell, and everything that’s pushed him to this point.

Sometimes, he thinks the Leviathan  _ knows _ when he’s thinking too hard, because it just looks at him, smiling that  _ smile _ at him and says-

“Dean, why don’t you come here?”

That smile’s always what gets Dean, because no matter how much he  _ knows _ that Cas isn’t around anymore, as much as he  _ knows _ this is a monster wearing his friend like clothing it chose at a department store, that smile is so much  _ Castiel _ , that, for a second, he forgets or pretends or however he manages to cope, and he walks over to the thing.

The Leviathan’s sprawled out on the couch in a way that Dean had only seen Cas do when he was unconscious and unable to sit up (but this  _ isn’t _ Cas anymore, so why the hell should it do  _ anything _ like Cas used to do, except for that damn  _ smile _ .)

It gestures to its belt, and says-

“I’m feeling a little  _ constricted _ . Why don’t you help me get these off, and then, you can put those lips of yours to good use.”

It’s not a question.

It’s never a question, and if Dean tries to object, if he tries in any damn way to do something the Leviathan doesn’t want him to do-

“Ah, no no  _ no _ ,” the Leviathan murmurs, threading a hand through his hair. “You’re  _ thinking _ . You know I don’t  _ like _ it when you  _ think _ . Get to work, Dean.”

Dean hesitates just a moment longer, and then looks down at his arms and the scars, and then up at the Leviathan wearing Castiel’s smile, and, well, really, what choice does he have?

(It’s all his  _ fault _ ,  _ always _ his fault,  _ everything _ is his fault,  _ his damn fault _ , and this is his only option.)

Sometimes, it’s enough that the Leviathan’s wearing Castiel’s face.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading this trash fire, i literally do not know why i wrote it and cannot fathom why i decided to free it into the world now. 
> 
> leave me a comment if you had any feelings about this fic, or feels, as the kids say. im hip to the lingo.
> 
> please stay as safe as you are able, wear a mask, and get vaccinated when and if you can. love ya!


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